Looking back

Hey, juz taking a break from my revision and coming to blog. Firstly, thanx for everyone who turned up for my party, hope that u all have a great time. I dun think i'm a good host lah. Anyway, thanx for all ur presents. Quite a lot, so can't really rmb what did each of u give me? Will true to recall de, paiseh.

Anyway, i was juz looking thru some of my photos juz now. They are photos of some milestone events in my life, which includes photos taken in txy activities, photos taken during my 3 exchange trips and also photos taken during my 18th birthday party. I started to have more and more feeling for life and i juz realised, after 18 yrs, i really grow up.

Few yrs back, when i was still an introvert who hated to make friends and talked(I'm not kidding) till now, someone who talks too much and tries very hard to establish strong friendships with everyone. It is really an achievement of mine and it really makes my growing up process.

From someone who doesn't treasure life in the past, even wanted to commit suicide(and i nearly died), to someone who start to be a bit more optimistic, though i'm still pessimistic, it's also an achievement. Last time, i thought that killing myself was a way to "beg" for other people to pity me and making ppl who had offended me to regret. Now, i think that there are many others way to accomplish what i wanna to.

From someone that no guys would wanna befriend with me, till now, i've quite a lot of buddies especially in txy.

I went thru a lot in these 18 yrs and had learnt lots of stuffs. However, there are a lot of things which i still haven't learnt.

I hope to be really more optimistic, like being someone to be satisfied with 90 marks, instead of not being satisfied becoz i lost 10 marks. Perhaps i'm Virgo, that is why i really had high expectation on myself.

I also want to accept the fact that there is no way for me to be close with someone if god doesn't allow. Coz till now, though i can't really be close friends with some ppl, i really try my very very best to be close with them. When i dun have any results, i'll be sad and demoralised.

I also hope not to think that i'm stupid. Coz i really think that i'm a stupid damn ass, a neighbourhood school freak, and ppl think that i'm a"bimbo". In addition, I also think that i am someone who is short, ugly and fat. Haha, but this is something very true, right? Unless i go for some plastic surgery and some operations.... (Not funny)

Finally, of course my opinion on having a girlfriend. Though i dun demand for a galfriend as much as last yr, I still feel that having a galfriend is something quite special and really feel demoralised when i dun have anyone who i like to also like me.

Looking back, i'd achieved and learnt a lot but still, i've a lot which i have yet to achieve and come to terms with.