I'm getting really pessimistic!

Hmm... I haven't updated for 2 wks liao, really must update today. Juz highlight on some special stuffs which had happened. Of course, i must talk abt the Z-POP concert, haha! I got to meet many TXYs again especially xinyao, coz i think she had gotten over her problems and went for the concert. Then, so qiao that i meet bingrong again on the train. As usual, he is holding on a cup of bubble tea, telling me lame jokes. Then, when we arrived at City Hall, many ppl were seen. That 2 ppl wearing pink (Aileen and Bingrong) were making use of me and asked me to throw the rubbish for them!!!!!! What the...... I finally realised that it was so tough to find a dustbin in Citylink. After, Cai Xun was asking me where was the rubbish bin, then haha. I told her, it is very far away from here. Let's not talk abt it. In the Z-pop, I was working with Xiaohan, Xiaoying, Qian2 etc. Then, Xiaohan was asking me to vote for her for the prettiest women in Asia(which is the modified version of the top 50 idol of zaobao). I was saying that she will get 100 tickets, but the tickets are invalid. Then, of course, she beat me up. Ok, let's talk abt whom i had met, i met many ppl like JJ,Tanya, A-mei and also president Nathan..... Haha. I still remembered that towards the end of the concert, Aileen & Xiaohan were critising on a woman's figure, then of course i was saying my view. Then they say i $7.80, 'm not loyal to suhwei, whatever.....
Go on to something serious lah. Dunno what happened to me, i'm getting really pessimistic and in a bad mood after the june holiday. Ppl think that i maybe not catching enough sleep. I think so.. Perhaps i have already sufficient good luck for the 1st half of the yr. It's time... You win some, u lose some, i know what it's mean. I always think that i'm some waste & outcaste of the Earth. Coz i dun think i'm contributing much to anywhere coz i get pissed off damn easily. I really question my ability to be ruiying's leader now. Perhaps CY will have a hard time working with me in the future, sorry CY. In addition, I always have a feeling that i'm a ke you ke wu person in everywhere. So pessimistic, right! Perhaps my depression is coming back, but hopefully it doesn't, coz last time it was really affecting me physically and mentally. That's not fun and i dun want ppl to be worried for me. Who can save me now? I think it will be myself. Yah, maybe ppl think that i had gotten "A"s for my subjects, i've gotten what i want. But that's not what i want, really. What I want really things like having juz the single bit of tao hua yun, if not, i dun think i've much confidence in myself. Sorry to make you all to read all these, friends.
To end, i'll compensate my readers by telling u all something lah. Last thurs, i received suhwei sms in school leh, she suddenly asked me to lend her some chinese TB. But too bad, i dun have chinese and some of my gd friends in schools like David & Eric really lend me theirs and ask me to make full use of every single opportunity. Thanks friends. It really worked as i've again, 1/2 hr to talk to her, individually and of course, we crap quite a bit and i told her a lot of cold jokes. Then, she kept on saying that, billy, u are so lame!
i think i'll treasure the present now, with my friends in JJC(My group of gd friends, David, Weeling, Wendy, Jun hao blah blah blah) and of course SPH(That group lah, especially CBD) At least i'll try not to be pessimistic with all the happy moments. Cya guys!